Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
