I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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