The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
