I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
