He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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