Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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