Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
