Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
