No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
