We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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