Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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