I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
