do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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