So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
