thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
