She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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