Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
