She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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