shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
