Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
