I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i will never coherently bang her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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