her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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