Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
