so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
