She is in my trunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
