i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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