OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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