Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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