I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
