Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
