Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
