i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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