Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
