Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
