When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I smell like Dick and happiness
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
