My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
