we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
