I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
