are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
