Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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