24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
