ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
40s are totally the cure
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
