I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
