Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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