What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
