I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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