why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize