listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
