hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
