So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
