My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
