so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
