grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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