I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
