I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
