No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
