You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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