the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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