walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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