I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my poor anus
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
