i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
