I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They have beer where we have blood.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
